I made 1 1/2 decisions tonight

I wanted to title this "I am not really as good a softball player as I think I am." But that was too long. And too self-image-shattering. But seriously, 2 years off has made me into a very rusty, bloody, and banged up second baseman after two back-to-back games tonight. I blame it on kids. And lack of exercise for the last two years...

But even after being battered into the inability to move from my couch right now, I'm still fired up. The last game tonight got me fired up. We played a very good opponent, and they beat us squarely on the field. The banter and jawing back and forth between both teams the entire game was very intense. But that's normal, right? We're men. We're competitive men playing a sport. We're supposed to be that way.

But that's not what has me all riled up enough to write my first blog post in a year and a half. The game was over. We lost. It didn't feel good, but we took it, and we all shook hands and acted like friends. Then, if you've ever played "church league" softball, you know what comes next.

The compulsory prayer.

Yeah, buddy. We all gathered in the middle of the infield and waited for someone to offer up our feeble attempt at making this into a civilized event. Someone they called "Pastor" the entire game started us off.

"Remove your hats..."

Everyone did as they were told. It's what we're supposed to do, right? God really likes it when we take our hat off for 20 seconds of ritualistic prayer before a meal or after participating a verbally abusive softball game, doesn't He?

Well I didn't take my hat off. *GASP!* I know, but follow me here. My hands stayed firmly planted on my hips because in that split second, it occurred to me that maybe a handful of people on the field (myself not included) actually "took their hats off" during the game. The phrase ringing through my head at this very moment is "God will not be mocked." I'm pretty sure I'm taking it out of the proper context of Galations 6, but I think the phrase is spot on.

Can we really act like that and then expect God to go, "Ok, when you took your hats off as a sign of respect and thanked Me for no serious injuries and for letting you have 'a good time', that canceled out the previous 70 minutes of ridiculousness." I kind of think he looks at us and says, "Man, I love you guys, but... really? Really?!?"

Now don't get me wrong here. I realize the ridiculousness has been already canceled out for Christ-followers. Jesus paid our penalty. It's done. And prayer... prayer is awesome. It's necessary. It's entirely appropriate for after a softball game, in your car, when you lie down, and when you are standing. It's the lifeblood for a Christ-follower. John Piper describes prayer as a walkie-talkie connection with God in the middle of the most epic battle in the biggest war anyone has ever seen. So I see why we do it after a softball game.

Here's my problem... Why do I have to take my hat off as a sign of respect if up to that point, no respect has been given to God or anyone else within earshot of our sporting match?

So I made a decision:

I, Kyle Nighman, will never again take off my hat for compulsory pre-meal or post-game prayer.

Boom. There it is. If I don't give God the respect and honor He deserves during the other 23 hours, 59 minutes, and 13 seconds of the day (or at least some of it), then instead of taking off my hat, I'm going to focus on taking off my internal hat and getting back into a right relationship with God. It's the same reason I don't shave on Sundays. I feel like it's just stuff we do because we're told it's the right thing to do.

I hope the other softball players noticed that I didn't take my hat off. I hope they thought to themselves, man, that dude is dissing God, he needs to get right with the Lord! They would be quite correct. I hope they pray for me as I pray for them and myself. And I hope that God uses this softball game to continue to change and mold us into the men we want and need to be.

But there's always a catch.

As you may have noticed, I've still got 1/2 a decision to go. My catch has a name - Lizzy. As I came home and spewed forth my rant, she gently pointed me straight back to scripture: 

"Be careful, however, that the exercise of your freedom does not become a stumbling block to the weak. For if anyone with a weak conscience sees you who have this knowledge eating in an idol's temple, won't he be emboldened to eat what has been sacrificed to idols? So this weak brother, for whom Christ died, is destroyed by your knowledge. When you sin against your brothers in this way and wound their weak conscience, you sin against Christ. Therefore, if what I eat causes my brother to fall into sin, I will never eat meat again, so that I will not cause him to fall." - 1 Cor 8:9-13

This "catch" (and she is, let me tell you) in my plan helped me to calm down and think through my decision in light of everything else I know. These are verses that I am very familiar with, but it took some calm wisdom from the wife to bring them to mind. And I think she made a very strong argument with so dang few words. She's annoyingly good like that.

So then I wrestled with performing an act to be respectful to others and being real with God. I started researching the origins of the hat-taking-off thing, and do you know what I found? It's actually biblical. Who knew? It appears to come from 1 Cor 11, which states - among other things - that,

"Every man who prays or prophesies with his head covered dishonors his head. ... A man ought not to cover his head, since he is the image and glory of God;"

Now the murky water is starting to clear up a bit. Still, if I were a betting man, I'd put some serious cash on no more than a few people on that softball diamond knowing the verse and origin of taking off your hat when praying - let alone actually doing it for those reasons. I still firmly believe we do it because it's what everyone else around us is doing. I think the majority of the time, it's less to respect God than it is to look like you're respecting God to those around you.

Which leaves me with the 1/2 decision. Can you even make a 1/2 decision? If you can, then I just did. I am half-way deciding to renege on my previous decision. I see some actual basis for removing your hat during prayer. I read a few commentaries, and the instruction from Paul seems pretty clear - bros, you should take your hats off when you pray. But I also have to weigh that against things like 1 Samuel 16 where David is anointed:

"But the Lord said to Samuel, 'Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.'"

If God looks at the heart, would it really matter if my hat is on or off when I'm talking to Him? Or if I leave my hat on, is that going to lead others to ruin? Good questions to sleep on.

Now if I could only make it from the couch to my bed without collapsing...